Losing a Loved One to Drugs with Them Still Being Here..
- brittleighhh
- Nov 10, 2018
- 5 min read
Most people have lost a loved one to drugs. Some people physically and others mentally. To lose a loved one doesn't always mean they died. Sometimes it means so much more. It means you lost them mentally which in some cases can be so much worse. Everything within the drugs, drama, & person is so overwhelming to anyone experiencing it. It makes someone you used to look up to become completely unrecognizable. How do you cope with someone like that? How?
How is it worse when they haven't died?
Sometimes it's not worse. Sometimes it is. It feels like the person has died.. even though they haven't. Losing someone mentally & not physically takes a tole on the people surrounded by that person. You have to watch them constantly get worse because they can't find it in them to get better. You have to constantly watch them relapse because it's so hard to leave that lifestyle. You have to hear the constant excuses about how when you nag them to get better, it just "makes them want to do it more" because they want to "numb the pain" from all the pain they've caused the people they love. It sucks. It really does. You want to leave them alone completely, but the thought of them dying without you being there will leave you with so much regret. So, in the end. You're stuck. Watching the same thing happen. Hearing the same lies & excuses. Just stuck to keep the regret from building up.
How do you deal with it?
Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you avoid it to keep from getting hurt. Me, I have depression phases over it. The thought of losing someone kills you. The thought of never speaking to someone you love(d) hurts. Hurts so bad. You, I hate to say it like this, mope around. Praying constantly. Crying constantly. You don't have the person you want to call most about a bad day there anymore. If they are there, you don't know if you can count on them to pick up the phone or "call you back." You cope. You just deal with it how YOU see fit. Sometimes not speaking to them is your way.. then, we are back to the regret. The hate builds up. The constant question, "why can't they just get better?" or the famous "how can you keep hurting the ones you love so much?" Then, more hate builds up. Then, you fall back on the regret. Which falls back on the moping and being sad constantly. It's a constant circle of everything going around and around. A never ending cycle of hate, regret, and sadness just building up.
Main stages: Someone can go through so many stages when it comes to learning how to cope with the thought of their loved ones losing this ongoing battle with drugs..
First: Denial
The denial comes from the constant grieving over someone who hasn't really left you on this earth alone. Like any loss of a loved one, we experience denial first. Your thoughts are bombarded with constant emotions and questions. "How did it lead to this?" "Why did they seek drugs?" "There's no way they are addicted. They told me how bad everything was." We shut down. We don't talk about it with anyone because how is this real? We avoid the signs with their change of actions because "this can't be happening." We end up making excuses for THEM. We do it. Not them, us. We pull the "It wasn't their fault. It was a bad relationship that led to it." Or "They have so much going on. It won't last." We avoid it which makes them avoid it. Ya know? We can't accept it, so why should they?
Second: Anger
We tend to lean on anger more than we realize. We get mad at the thought that this has happened to us. Normally, we get mad at our other family members. Normally we get mad at the person. It makes us start to hate the person we used to love most. The hate builds because we can't cope with the thought they are actually doing this to us. They are picking drugs over us. How? How is that possible? How could that even be in the equation? The anger, like stated earlier, make us begin to regret everything. We feel guilty for blaming them for a problem they can't control. It's the cycle starting over between all the emotions.
Third: Ultimatum
Ultimatum's are someone favorite thing to pull in any situation. In this situation we tend to pull them a lot. We use the "drugs or me" one. Then, when we aren't picked. Here comes the anger. Or maybe, they do pick us & then start to lie constantly about it. Boy, here comes the anger at its highest level all over again. We try to play God in a way. We try to force the drugs out of their life, and it never seems to work.
Fourth: Depression
Here comes to sadness. We can't accept anything going on, so it brings us constant pain. We are always sad. We always cry about it. When we see them or hear them, it gets worse. They aren't the same person. They aren't the person we know. Ya know? We become hopeless because even if they get clean, what if they relapse? What if it is worse this time? What if they choose not to get help this time? Our emotions take over. We give up. We mope and lay around with constant thoughts of how everything could've play out. How it was supposed to play out. "This was never supposed to happen" becomes a constant thought. "Was I the reason?" is another constant thought. How about the "Why do they choose that over me?" I know we have all had that one. It is a constant thought. It takes over our life like the drugs have taken over their life. Constant sadness. Constant crying. Constant negative thoughts.
Fifth: Acceptance
This is a hard one. Even for myself. So hard. It's been years. I still haven't figured this one out. I still haven't accepted it, so this is a hard one to write over. Sometimes accepting it doesn't really mean accepting it. It means we've come to realization with the problem. It means we become content with the problem. It means we make peace with ourselves. Sometimes accepting is letting go of the relationship. It's moving on and releasing ourselves from the toxic. No matter how hard it is. It's letting go finally. You've done everything you could.
Drug addiction is so hard to fathom. It's hard to just move on. Sometimes we can't. Sometimes we get stuck in the lifestyle of joking about it to help cope. That's not the answer. Someone you once/still love(d) is trapped, and it makes you become trapped in your own thoughts. You have to learn to cope. You have to learn to accept it and pray God works it out with how he sees fit before you really lose the loved one physically.
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