"You have to find what makes you Happy again.."

The worst thing when attending college is the time period where your mind and body are stuck within the realm of bad. I am such a pessimistic person, so I tend to focus on the bad anyways. You know, it's weird because growing up I was so optimistic. I loved the good. It always was around me. I surrounded myself with so many good things, but these last few years, I can't seem to find them anymore. Someone told me today, "You have to find what makes you happy again."

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It sucks because now that has been on my mind consistently. What makes me happy? Why did I used to be so happy and now I can't find that happiness within me anymore? Sports used to be my go to, but since my injury, I focus on how bad I've gotten since I decided to keep my softball career moving forward. Sports don't make me happy anymore. They make me dread getting up to complete my day in order to have time for everything. My days are so routine. I want time for everyone, but I can't seem to find any within these 24 hours. I sleep as much as I can. It's the only thing I enjoy. My room stays messy because I have no energy to do anything. I am not lazy. I am tired.. Always tired. Life just isn't fun for me anymore.

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How do you find what makes you happy when you live within a mind of someone always in sad and bad mood? You are your own toxic person? How do you shake that? Medicine? Makes me feel groggy. Sleep? I can't sleep my life away (even though I would love that). Friends? Don't wanna be around anyone. Therapist? It's a routine process for them. So, how do you find your happy again when you just can't seem to do that anymore?